Ask Madden! (Madden answer relationship questions)

Saturday, August 25, 2007

"Dear Mr. Madden,

My boyfriend and I are thinking about moving in together I'm afraid that it might be too soon. We've been together for 8 months what do you suggest?

Debbie Brewster, Toledo Ohio.”

You know a lot of times when you have a guy like Dre Bly you forget how good he is. A lot of guys say that a cornerback is just a receiver who can't catch, but lemme tell you that's just not true in the NFL. Here you have a guy who can run as fast as any receiver, can run the routes, is just as tough and rough, and he can hit ya. He could play on the other side if he wanted but no one's gonna move him from there because he's just too good when you throw the ball his way he’s gonna knock it down and the receiver can’t catch it when it’s on the ground.

”Mr. Madden,

I’m seeing this girl we; haven’t been intimate yet but my friends say that she’s been around if you know what I mean. What’s the most sensitive way to ask her to take an AIDS test?

D. Finch –Boise, Idaho.”

On the offensive line you got 5 basic guys. You have your Center, your Right Guard, your Left Guard, your Right Tackle, your Left Tackle. That’s it. Sometimes you have the Tight End in there but not really, it’s those 5 guys. Now these guys are the biggest guys on the field, there’s no one else out there bigger than them that makes them the biggest. If you want to move them you’re gonna have to come at them fast and hard which is why the defensive line guys are usually the second biggest guys there. Next comes the Linebackers and Tight ends, Receivers can be pretty big too, but it’s always the offensive line guys that are the biggest.

”Dear Madden,

I can never get my husband to put his dirty clothes in the hamper, it’s really annoying walking into the room and finding dirty stinky clothes scattered everywhere. I’ve already tried asking him nicely and moving the hamper somewhere in plain sight but nothing seems to work I’m desperate here!

Michelle A. –Gallup, New Mexico.”

There’s certain behavior that just can’t be accepted in the locker room. When you have a guy who’s being disruptive and rowdy it can just go against everything you as a coach are trying to do. Here’s what you do next time he does that. As he’s sleeping put a large piece of duct tape on his groin area and with a marker make sure to write “Clothes in hamper!” on it. When he wakes up, he’ll have to take it off, as soon he does--BOOM--you’ll have some torn off pubic hair and with any luck foreskin; he’ll never again forget to put his clothes in the hamper.

The thing about icebergs is.... on google!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Hey everyone I've made it big!!! Google "lego bowser" then scroll all the way to the bottom of the first page, and thar she blows! haha.

I saw a kid buy Black Knight

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

That's right, Black Knight. Martin Lawrence at his worst and yet this little boy not a day over seven years old stood in front of me in line at Circuit City happily awaiting his turn to get ringed up. At first I did not believe it. "What's this kid going?" I said to myself, "Where are his parents? This kid's not even black, wait...maybe he confused it for something else." Desperately I tried to think of what could possibly be mistaken for Black Knight. Nothing. Nothing came to mind....then suddenly an older man approached the kid accompanied by another kid about his age, "His dad's here" I thought with relief, "Surely he'll rectify this situation and throw this wretched DVD to the ground" but that never happened. The man simply looked at the kid, smiled then stood infront of him,the other kid just looked at his selection, and compared it to his own but showed no dissaproval of it. At that moment I knew that wasn't the kid's father, no any decent parent would ever allow their child to bring such a pox into their home.
At this point I got more and more desperate, "Somebody stop this! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY" I screamed inside. His turn came, he stepped up to the register, handed over his money and took his DVD with all the giddyness of a 7 year old boy who just got an awesome toy. I looked down in shame, it's times like these that heroes are made that regular men transcend and leave a legacy, years from now that kid would have become a man and as he watched Black Knight on some future version of TBS, he would have told his offspring, "You know son, when I was about your age I almost bought this thing, but a great man stopped me. I never knew his name or if he had one at all, but I think he was sent by God himself."
As he walked away the cashier told me "That's weird, that kid bought Black Knight" she said. As I raised my eyes I breathed in and finally said what I should have told that kid, what any decent man would, and what I will forever regret never telling him "He should have gotten Blue Streak."